2. Fathers of brides

Someone appropriate (brother, cousin, male friend) should seat both mothers if they are present, the groom’s mother first, then the bride’s mother. This is the usual way of honoring the mothers at a wedding, and it also serves as a signal that the ceremony is going to start. The musicians can be told, for example, that when they see the bride’s mother escorted to her seat, they can finish up whatever they are playing and get ready to play the processional. Plan to formally seat the mothers even when no one else is being shown to their seats. The only exception would be the bride wants to have her mother help walk her down the aisle.

3. Photographers

Many couples are dispensing with the tradition that the bride and groom should not see each other on their wedding day until she walks down the aisle so they can get some pictures before the ceremony. We feel badly for couples who get through the ceremony and then are immediately trapped in an hour-long photo session with endless variations of family groupings – right when what you would like to be doing is celebrating with your friends. The candid shots will be the ones you look at most over the years. If you cannot avoid the post-ceremony photo session, give your photographer a time limit (like fifteen or twenty minutes), and agree on a short list of “obligatory” shots. Limit who will be taking pictures as well. One still photographer, and one person shooting videotape from a set spot, provides both taste and pictures to enjoy later on.

4. Paying people

Have someone else pay the people who need to be paid at the wedding – the officiant, the caterers, musicians, the photographer, etc. Traditionally this job is given to the best man. The idea is for you not to have to worry about it. It is best to get people paid early – even before the ceremony, and certainly soon after. What do you pay the officiant? Some people have set fees (ranging from $50 to $800), but many do not. The average reasonable honorarium is $250 to $350, more if extensive travel or couple's conferencing is involved. If your officiant has worked with you to craft the ceremony, she or he will spend twelve to twenty hours of your behalf, so be as generous as you can.

5. Divorced parents

If your parents are divorced, and especially if they don’t particularly get along, you need to think ahead of time about how to help them feel as comfortable as possible. Consider where they will be seated, both at the ceremony and at the reception. If you have a receiving line and want them both in it, think about the order of people in the line – should they stand next to each other or be separated by one or more other people? If your parents have real difficulty with each other, don’t worry too much; our experience is that they will come through because they won’t want to do anything to spoil your day.

6. Nervousness

You are bound to be a bit nervous. So, take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Keep breathing. When you walk to the front, walk naturally, enjoy yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to do the super-slow “Queen of England” walk – you will end up looking like the Tin Man. Once up front, let yourself shift your weight when you feel like it, make eye contact with your friends, hold hands with your intended, tune in to what is being said.

7. Alcohol

Some couples who don’t drink – especially when one or both are in recovery – wonder if their guests will be offended by an alcohol-free reception. My answer is to go ahead with the kind of reception you want. If it is alcohol-free, your guests who want a drink can get by for two or three hours without.

If your wedding takes place at an inn, estate, or private home, I suggest you keep the bar closed before the ceremony. Serve sparkling water to arriving guests, certainly a calming glass of wine for the bride or groom is O.K., but when guests start drinking before the ceremony, it is hard to get them to settle into the emotion and language of the ceremony. The ceremony loses some of its impact as a result.

8. Receiving Line

Receiving lines usually include parents, best man, maid of honor, sometimes grandparents and you. It happens soon after the ceremony – or not at all (you don’t have to have a receiving line). It is a good way for you to see everyone, and for everyone to have a moment with you.

8. Thank Yous

Thank your friends and family for coming. Roam from table to table, or if the reception isn’t sit-down, just wander. Do it together. When you are talking to someone who traveled some distance to be there for you, be sure to acknowledge them for it.